What is Toxic Shame?
Toxic shame generally originates from negative childhood experiences. Judgmental and critical parents, caregivers, teachers, peers, and religious groups can leave a child with a pervasive sense of inadequacy. The child’s subconscious mind becomes convinced the world is an emotionally dangerous place. The child learns that “being herself “is not safe. To avoid pain she morphs herself into the kind of person that she thinks other people will like better.
Because she has come to believe that she is inherently defective, unlovable, and unworthy. She becomes a “people pleaser” or “doormat”- perpetually giving up her own desires, wants, and dreams in order to gain and keep love. Because she believes she is inherently defective.... she must become something or someone else in order to be OK.
When a child learns that authenticity, vulnerability, and just plain being herself results in rejection and abandonment, she becomes willing to twist herself into a pretzel to please others in order to prevent the emotional pain of loss. She becomes ashamed of who she truly is. If unaddressed, this sad state of affairs persists in adulthood resulting in a lack of boundaries, codependency, and often abusive relationships.
Rapid Transformation Therapy successfully addresses toxic shame at it’s very root- using the power of neuroplasticity, to retrain disempowering thought patterns and instill confidence.